i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
