My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize