oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
how drunk are you?
Several
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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