keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just invented taco cereal.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
