I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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