3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
