Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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