What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
