Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
