I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Two words: blizzard sex
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
