How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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