you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
