so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
