Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
