were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
