Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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