who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
