WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
