I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
