You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
