how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
