I want to stick my p in your. b.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i think i have herpe
just one?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
