But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She bit a glass in half.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
