Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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