you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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