before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
