we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
