How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
