I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i can't believe i had my finger in that
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
