and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
