I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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