He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize