Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
