she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
