All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
