She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
