I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize