when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
