I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
