even my farts smell like vagina
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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