i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
