i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
