I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
tell me about the eggs
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
