He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
