So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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