I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
