Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
