I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize