I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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