I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i dont even know how to be here
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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