She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
