Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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