Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
