he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
