I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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