Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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