Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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