Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
