Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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