first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
