I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
