He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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