I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
