The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
