Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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