Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
