Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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