There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
