yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
