Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
